Sometime you know, you grow apart. Its not anyone’s fault, you just find you take each other for granted and then one day wake up and just feel like you don’t want to do this anymore. Its draining, its begun to hurt and it feels far more effort than its worth to keep going. Its not you, its me. We’ll still be friends yeah?
Above is pretty much the conversation I had with my trainers the other day as they lay discarded on the floor, looking up at me with their sad frayed laces. It would appear that i’ve fallen out of love with running.
It began to happen a few weeks ago when my usual runs were getting shortened more and more. What was a treble lap of the park was suddenly becoming one lap and be done with it. My usual route that I would run without thinking was suddenly feeling like a massive drag and where i’d usually breeze down a residential road I found myself bargaining internally about the amount of lamp posts i’d need to run past before I could walk. I tried mixing up my music, making new playlists, downloading interesting podcasts (This American Life and From our own Correspondent, this isn’t your fault) but nothing seemed to bring about the motivation. The same was also true down at the track. There was a point in time when I lived for Tuesday and Thursday evenings, navigating ice, illness and thermal layers to get down for my training sessions, whereas recently I’ve dropped down to one session a week which I approach with varying levels of indifference.
I think the problem is that, compared to this time last year, there are no problems. I’m happy dammit! Last summer, pre London 2012 I was unemployed, depressed, had most stress related illnesses you could shake a stick at and generally wasn’t a happy bunny. After watching the Olympics however I became inspired and through athletics and running found a way to set myself goals and gain a sense of achievement away from all the other stuff going on in my life. Fast forward 12 months and all’s going amazingly so i’m not so reliant on sport to keep me going. (I’m not complaining btw that everything is super). Not even Christine Ohuruogu’s World Champion run has managed to stir these feet into wanting to move anywhere too quickly.
So now I need to re-evaluate my motives for running and work out what else I want to achieve from it. In the meanwhile however i’ve signed myself up for some slightly more fun shaped runs to try and remind myself that running isn’t the slog i’ve built it up to be in my head. Colour Run Brighton and Pretty Muddy Finsbury Park, i’ll be seeing you on the start line.